


A Sour Green Apple

by ForgeNGred



Category: Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types, Original Work
Genre: Cringe, F/M, Gag Reels, I like DnD romance, I read too much YA and that's the result, No Beta, Parody, Romance, Weird Plot Shit, YA parody, YOLO, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29466828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgeNGred/pseuds/ForgeNGred
Summary: So, I play DnD and decided to write a Fanfic about an on-going gag about my character wanting to watch a hot Elf eating an apple, but sexually.
Relationships: Original D&D Character(s)/Other(s), Original Female Character/Original Male Character





	A Sour Green Apple

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so as a devoted DnD player and shipper, I decided to write a fanfic about an on-going joke about my character wanting to watch a hot Elf eating an apple, but sexually. It all started when the DM told me the last arc was actually inspired by a plot to a book we both read. However, I told him that the only way I will recognize the book he was talking about, is if he will insert a hot Elf sexually eating an apple. So, next session I learned that one should be careful of what they wish for. 
> 
> BTW, they ended up getting married and they are indeed a canon. I actually thought about writing some other cute scenes, but I'm definitely not a good writer. Let me know if you want to read some more, tho. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy my nonsense. It's supposed to be cringey.

The air was still thick with smoke and ash. The goblins sat in several groups, all huddled up in front of numerous bonfires. Their faces were visible with the help of the fire's warm radiance, mud and blood covered their bodies. Their pain was visible through their eyes, war has its cost. Many died that day. Aramil approached the nearest group, the unusual lines and wrinkles that appeared on his face indicate how worried he probably felt inside, knowing they were few survivors out of many soldiers. The goblins all whispered and murmured between themselves as soon as they spotted us, maybe not used to seeing a dark Elf, alongside an Aasimar, let alone a Gargoyle. Armail, even though his worry was visible, was still charming as ever, chatted up a few goblins. Apparently, the goblin queen ordered them to retreat, giving the lizardfolk soldiers the opportunity they needed to take over the city of Nagrakk Even the legion that decided to disobey the queen's order, under the command of General Reynar, could not hold back the attack.

The goblin, charmed by Aramil's persuasion skills, pointed us to the direction of this General, an armor-clad Dark Elf who was helping a wounded soldier. I was surprised, how the hell does a dark Elf finds himself in the middle of the war in Nagrakk? He had long silver hair, braided in a long gorgeous braid. Even though he was talking to Aramil, his glowing blue eyes landed on me. I was too stunned to even comprehend their conversation. His face was long and handsome, cheekbones so sharp and a jawline so strong I could mistakenly think he was actually a marble statue of a godlike creature. He is now staring directly at me with his long eyelashes; his mouth is moving but I can't hear anything. He said something about a half-dragon, something about the city being doomed, I cannot really understand what comes out of his lips. His lips are… Oh my, what in the name of Sezera, even his lips are the image of perfection. I need to get a hold of myself, we are in the middle of a war zone, it is definitely not the time to think how fit he really is under that shiny black armor. My mind barely registers that his lips are now addressing me.

"So, how did you find yourself here?" he asks with half a smile. It seems that my mind goes black until I manage to articulate an answer, and even then, I stutter a bit.  
"I was exiled from my temple… it seems that the solution for my return to Varkanath lies with them", I say after a minute or so of complete silence, gesturing to the half-Elf half-Aasimar Armail and Gargoyle Punch. His gaze is agonizing me. I am now very much aware of how dirty I must be after the three months journey with the duo of idiots. It's been forever since I bathed, let alone cleaned my clothes. How am I still Sezera's cleric? I should be disowned by her. ASAP. I was not totally sure how bad it really is since I practically avoided seeing my own reflection, knowing that I must be covered in dust and mud, probably blood as well.

I investigate General Reynar's features even further. It seems as if the filth covering parts of his face does not impair his beauty nor attractiveness at all. That's so unfair.  
"I reckon you worship Sezera?" he replies while looking over my attire; a purple dress and a rainbow butterfly, items that usually are associated with Sezera's worshipers. I tried to cover myself with my cloak, embarrassed by my neglected appearance. Sezera would definitely NOT approve. I try to hide my mortification from him, hoping that he wouldn't notice my blush and purple-reddish face due to the dark night sky and my dark complexion.  
"Do you have a problem with that?" I ask, folding my hands to my chest, raising my left eyebrow at him. I sound defensive, but inside I feel like hot lava is pooling in the lower part of my body.

He waves his hand. "No problem, I am more of a Dios worshiper myself. I doubt your beauty could help you win a fight." Oh, so he is a paladin of Dios, god of war. Sounds legit. I feel myself burning up. What a shame, his gorgeousness is wasted on war. I try to hide my smile. I really don't want Aramil and Punch to realize how uncontrollably I am attracted to this Elf.

His right-hand goes up to brush strands of silver hair from his face, and I can clearly see how muscular and strong his hand is. I feel myself evaporating under his glance.  
"We came to help, but we do need a place to stay tonight." I navigate the conversation into its original purpose. Almost suggesting that if he has an extra place in his tent, I will willingly come to provide him some warm company. I scold myself for even thinking about the prospect of sharing his tent and imaging him in his sleep attire, or perhaps the lack of them. I blush ever faster, biting my lip harder. He points us to an empty tent, where we can rest. I feel somewhat un-easy thinking about the reason this tent became available to us.

General Reynar promises he will come later tonight to check up on us, wanting to discuss our intention to "help". He sounds a bit cynical, probably wondering how the three of us could possibly do for him and his soldier. Sometimes, I wonder that too. I feel his eyes on me right before he departs the tent, but my face is stuck to the ground, knowing that if I meet his eyes, I will definitely allow myself to keep thinking about his sculptured body, his furrowed eyes, and irresistible lips. I need to ignore him, and start thinking how the hell I got to this situation in the first place, fighting in a war and the losing side of it, nonetheless.

As he promised, General Reynar comes back later, dressed in a simple cotton shirt. It's really hard for me not to make a whimpering sound as his shirt rises up a bit as he uses it to wipe down a green apple, revealing his hard and strong abdomen. I watch closely as his lips come close to the apple and his teeth sink into its flesh, biting it hard. The juices from the apple drip town to his chiseled chest and I find this whole experience enticing. My eyes are glued to the dripping line over his sharp jaw, following the drops as they glide all the way down his neck. I feel the urge to come closer to his neck and breath in his masculine scent, which I know is now mixed with the sweet and sour scent of the green apple.


End file.
